How To Defeat Trite Man

Nothing is so inane as small talk. On some level small talk is necessary. When I meet a co-worker, in the elevator perhaps, that I know nothing about and I don't feel like learning anymore, a nice quick conversation about the weather can come in handy. Sometimes I am just not in the mood, whether it is a lack of coffee on that particular morning or as a result of my anti-social tendencies. Weather, sports, keep it light, keep it quick, move on.

Trite Man over does it. Trite Man lives in a perpetual state of small talk. He lives and breathes it. Don't let him pull you in. I have been attending a rehab gym for my post-heart attack recovery and Trite Man has been attending the gym on the same days as me.  It is unbearable to hear. I have been blowing out my ear drum via earbuds just to drown him out. I took a short movie of his "performance" so that I could post it here but I decided not to post it. That was probably a good idea, so this clip from Star Trek: The Next Generation will suffice. 

Data is an android testing a new small talk sub-routine, so he has an excuse, but the other character is a perfect portrayal of Trite Man. He is terrifying. If Trite Man pulls you in, it can be very hard to escape. If you get stuck in a room with two of these fuckers, they can truly drive you to insanity. No shit, complete insanity. 

Think of Trite Man as a super villain, everyone of them has their weakness. The only way to defeat Trite Man is by ignoring him. He feeds on inane content and empty gestures. Answer him with one word answers or simply pretend you don't hear him. Put your headphones in your ears regardless if there is music playing. Starve the beast. It doesn't matter if he is dispensing folk wisdom or repeating something "witty" his aunt Tilly always says. Just say "Nope" no matter what he says, no explanation, this will diminish his power greatly. 

This can get difficult if he says something that you disagree with greatly. This almost happened to me the other day. I went to the urinal in the locker room and I had left my phone and headphones on the bench. Trite Man entered and said aloud, "oh no, someone forgot their stuff." I yelled back from the other room, "no, those are mine" Oh no, I had engaged him, how do I get out of this?  "Oh good," he said, "you can't be too safe these days." The giant sucking sound was pulling me in. I so wanted to tell him, "No, the world is a much safer place these days." This trite nonsense about the past being idyllic and safer than now is everywhere. Trite Man loves misinformation. I had data and historical analysis in my corner but he had fear and a popular saying in his. Surely I could convince him that he is wrong. But I did the right thing, I didn't engage. I walked away. 

Please help me in defeating Trite Man. Ignore him. It is the only way he'll stop.